Hari's Corner

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Babies banned from howling

Filed under: Humour and Nonsense by Hari
Posted on Sun, May 25, 2008 at 13:02 IST (last updated: Fri, Jun 8, 2012 @ 19:56 IST)

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Papa Hari News Service

Taking a strong stance against increasing noise pollution caused by human activity, the Papa Hari World Government today issued an ordinance banning babies from howling in public. A Papa Hari Government spokesman told press reporters that the ban would criminalize the offence of howling.

Howling baby "Babies aren't adults and must take responsibility for their own behaviour. Howling simply isn't acceptable behaviour and constitutes a public nuisance," said the spokesman, and added that the ordinance would make babies howling in public a criminal offence punishable up to 3 years in prison. Asked whether parents would serve the sentence, the Papa Hari spokesman said, "Of course not. The babies are responsible for the howling and so these irresponsible babies would serve the sentence in a specially constructed prison."

While many neighbours of newly weds and expecting parents welcomed the ban, most young parents expressed shock and outrage at the new ordinance. "This simply shows how little the government knows about babies." When an anonymous baby was asked for his opinion on the ordinance, he screamed, "WAAAAAAAAH... WAAAAAAH... WAAAAAAAAHHHH..." in an increasing pitch of voice which was rightly interpreted as "howling is my birthright and I shall have it."

Many parents organized protest meets all over the world where their babies indulged in howling sessions as a mark of protest against the ordinance. "If an adult can howl and get away with it, why cannot a baby?" asked a senior lawyer who wished to remain anonymous, "There's simply no provision in Law which bans howling by adults. Does this mean that it's all right for adults to howl and not all right for babies to?"

When the Papa Hari Government spokesman was asked about the anomaly in Law which allows adults to howl as much as they wished, he said that a special committee had been appointed to look into the matter and submit a report in six months. "The committee will take every aspect of the Law into consideration and will study the impact of howling adults in the public domain. The reason is that there might be a reason for an adult to howl in a given circumstance or situation, but there can be absolutely no reason for a baby to do so. Hence there is no conflict with relation to babies howling. That is why it's now a criminal offence."

Many medical professionals including paediatricians said that howling helped babies to develop their lungs and throat and that if prevented from doing so would impair their overall development. "Will the Papa Hari World Government take the responsibility for a new generation of adults with weakened lungs and immune systems as a result of this ban?"

Babies rights activists all over the world dressed up in baby suits and held protest marches, howling and screaming like babies. "The reason why babies are discriminated against is their gross under-representation in the World Parliament. We seek a reservation quota of 79.99% for babies in the House of Representatives to correct this gross injustice. Babies rule the world and babies are the future! We want to bust the Baby Care Products mafia which is behind this move!" screamed a protester. When asked to explain the percentage of quota demanded he said that the figure of 80% would sound a very high proportion and that 79.99% was probably enough to satisfy the needs of social justice. "WAAAAAAAAAAHH... YOOOOOOOUUUUUUWWWWWW...." he added.

In other news, the Papa Hari Baby Care Products, Inc. was doing roaring business with its newly launched PacifierPro™ product as desperate parents picked them up from stores to prevent their babies howling. When the Papa Hari government spokesman was asked whether the ban had something to do with the product launch, he categorically denied it saying that the Papa Hari World Government was in no way associated with the Papa Hari Baby Care Products, Inc.

"This move is purely out of concern for the environment and the increasing levels of noise pollution," said the spokesman. "If any business profits due to this legislation, that is purely incidental." In the meantime the stock of several Baby Care Product companies soared sky high.

Picture taken and adapted from: bbc.co.uk

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10 comment(s)

  1. This story springs immediately to mind :)

    Good to see the PHG taking action!

    Comment by Ray (visitor) on Sun, May 25, 2008 @ 15:30 IST #
  2. Ray, heheh... I promise I didn't write that one! :p

    (By the way, I just edited your link to make it clickable)

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Sun, May 25, 2008 @ 15:38 IST #
  3. The link had me in fits of laughter when I read it :)

    Comment by Ray (visitor) on Mon, May 26, 2008 @ 03:40 IST #
  4. Which link, Ray? The spoof story or the BBC Parenting site? :p

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, May 26, 2008 @ 09:09 IST #
  5. The former :)

    Comment by Ray (visitor) on Mon, May 26, 2008 @ 15:25 IST #
  6. If that PacifierPro™ works on people above the age of oh, 18, then I want to order like a hundred of 'em. Cuz there sure are a lot of cry-babies in my neck of the woods.

    Comment by RT Cunningham (visitor) on Mon, May 26, 2008 @ 15:58 IST #
  7. Ah, Ray, I guess you wouldn't have found a parenting site very funny, having had the experience before. :D

    RT, the product works for babies of all ages but naturally the Papa Hari Baby Care Products, Inc. makes no guarantees for any use of the product beyond its specific purpose. |-|

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, May 26, 2008 @ 17:59 IST #
  8. Crying babies don't bother me, it's the children ages 5 and up that act like babies, screaming, running around like wild animals and the parents aren't doing anything about it. Makes me want to slap the parent, cause it's their fault for allowing their children to act without manners in public.

    Comment by Drew (visitor) on Sat, May 31, 2008 @ 19:47 IST #
  9. Thankfully, mine don't act out like that in public! They make up for it at home, instead!

    Comment by MrCorey (visitor) on Sun, Jun 1, 2008 @ 07:40 IST #
  10. Drew, but there is a difference between howling babies and crying babies. ;)

    MrCorey, hahaha... then the Papa Hari World Government will not intervene...

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Jun 2, 2008 @ 10:26 IST #

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