Hari's Corner

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Preventing music piracy - the Papa Hari way

Filed under: Humour and Nonsense by Hari
Posted on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 at 09:27 IST (last updated: Wed, Sep 26, 2007 @ 13:03 IST)

Papa Hari News Service

The Papa Hari Foundation for the Protection of Starving Artists and Musicians (PHFPSAM) has proposed a new way to combat the ever-increasing piracy problem in the music industry as a result of which thousands of artists have been reduced to begging on the streets in a state of starvation. Scientists at the Papa Hari Labs have invented a new DRM chip which can be implanted in human beings to protect content theft.

A senior Papa Hari Scientist said that the device is a breakthrough in technology. "Whenever anybody hums their favourite song, a small amount will be deducted from their bank account and be credited to the artist's bank account. This device will automatically detect the song being hummed, use the information implanted in the DRM chip to compute the quality of the humming and then deduct a suitable amount. This will ensure fairness because we don't want to charge more for lower quality humming. This would be entirely satisfactory to bathroom singers," he said as he unveiled the proposed new technology at a Press Conference at Papa Hari Headquarters yesterday.

A starved artist Displaying a photo of an anonymous starving artist, the spokesman said that if that moving picture didn't evoke tears of outrage against music pirates, he didn't know what would. "Join the fight against content thieves," he added. "Bad as it is, it's not P2P which is really killing the music industry. File-sharing requires a computer and an internet connection and costs money, but humming songs requires no technology whatsoever. You could have heard a song on radio once and then you hum it freely whenever you feel like it. That's a dangerous form of copyright violation because the barrier of entry is so low. All you need is a half-decent voice. Can you imagine how much the artists would be losing as a result of this form of theft?"

Music industry representatives responded enthusiastically to the new chip and added that they are pushing a law which will make it mandatory for every human being on the planet to be implanted with such a chip. Asked whether it would violate basic human rights, he stated that "no rights are being violated because we're not asking for people to stop humming their favourite music. We just want them to pay for it. As a result of people humming music, the Industry is faced with a loss of millions of dollars and now the artists are being forced to give up on their favourite private jets, yachting and golf. This is unacceptable to us and that is why we will push hard to make it compulsory."

The Papa Hari Foundation asserted that the chip could also be developed to detect people thinking of songs rather than humming them audibly. "The next version of this chip will protect Intellectual Property at its very source -- the brain," said Papa Hari Scientists at the Press Conference. Applauding it as a great idea, music industry spokesmen said that this would ensure that nobody could cheat the DRM chip by thinking about the song rather than humming it. But many artists were not entirely happy with this idea. "Pushing for copy protection is going too far. More than half the industry cannot produce any music if we implement this."

When asked for their opinions, many music lovers applauded this idea. "We love being guinea pigs for the music industry we love so much," said a fan whose T-Shirt proclaimed 'IP Theft is Worse Than Murder', "After all, this move does ensure that these poor artists do get paid for every legitimate use of their creation. I am willing to pay any amount from my meagre income to ensure that they can maintain their lifestyle at the present level while producing crappy albums. I would hate it if my favourite artists were forced to sell of their third mansion in the country to make up their losses." When asked whether he was being sarcastic, he said that one could interpret his statement in any way.

IP and Copyright Lawyers said that the current situation in piracy did call for drastic measures, but refused to comment on the legality of the new DRM chip. One of them who asked to remain anonymous said that he could not make up his mind on the legal validity of such a move because he had not yet been paid by either side. In the meantime, rebel and independent artists have already implemented their own version of the DRM chip which would help people bypass the restrictions imposed by the Papa Hari Chip. There were also rumours of a 'fake' human DRM chip circulating in the grey market.

14 comment(s)

  1. Since I got my DRM chip installed, I have stopped humming entirely. I'm not happy to pay artists to hum their songs! :)Snoskredhttp://www.snoskred.org/

    Comment by Snoskred (visitor) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:09 IST #
  2. Make sure you have only an authorized Papa Hari™ Chip. Otherwise it's illegal. You should also get your brain registered so as to ensure that your chip isn't misused... :mrgreen:

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:13 IST #
  3. What about those fans who have no bank account...how do you deduct money? Will the currency conversion rate be born by artist or fan?Will the chip be provided free of cost by Papa Hari Foundation or what is the initial cost a music fan has to pay for it? Can I opt for an insurance coverage against a possible DRM chip malfunction? (I see every possibility that your Chip will identify the sound coming out of one's nose while sleeping as Himesh Reshamiya song and overnight the fan will go bankrupt....)If the person next to me humms and I hear that will I have to pay?

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 12:19 IST #
  4. All very valid concerns, Shri. Here are my answers:1. people without a bank account will be forced to open one with the Papa Hari Bank.2. Currency conversion rate will be borne by the fan.3. The chip will cost a small amount.4. Insurance will be provided by the Papa Hari Insurance agency. :mrgreen:5. If the person next to you hums audibly, you would pay to listen and he pays to hum... :twisted:

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 12:28 IST #
  5. Then I'm going to release an album containing all commonwords-"Good morning", "how are you?" "good evening", "will call you later" etc etc....Whenever you speak these words you have to give me loyalty...

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 15:10 IST #
  6. Sorry, it's already been done by the Papa Hari Foundation. :lol:

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 17:07 IST #
  7. Then I better start designing a counter device which creates a sound proof area around your chip...

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 @ 17:47 IST #
  8. My favourite take on the creation of a 100%-effective DRM scheme posits that if bank robbers carried a portable TV that was playing, say, a Disney movie, the police wouldn't be able to watch the security tapes until they got a license from Disney that made the copy legal ;)

    Comment by Dominic (visitor) on Tue, Aug 28, 2007 @ 02:51 IST #
  9. Dominic, haha... they think of everything, don't they? :razz:

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Tue, Aug 28, 2007 @ 07:17 IST #
  10. I spent some time on your other site recently...No comments are allowed at Harishankar.org?

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Sun, Sep 2, 2007 @ 20:13 IST #
  11. Shrinidhi, harishankar.org is not a blog site. It's just a site with my reviews and which is powered by a simple CMS that I wrote so commenting has not been implemented.Also I've been moving house in the last few days so it's been a hectic time and I've not been online for a while. Still not got my regular internet connection. I'm using a slow wireless connection from Reliance.

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Sep 3, 2007 @ 11:13 IST #
  12. Not so long back you'd written that you're shifting house... Shifting yet again? (You realized that there's a top blogger within 25 meter radius from your current house? :mrgreen: )

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Mon, Sep 3, 2007 @ 15:27 IST #
  13. No it's the same move which has now materialized. It was postponed back then for a variety of reasons I cannot go into now.

    Comment by hari (blog owner) on Mon, Sep 3, 2007 @ 21:37 IST #
  14. Ok fine... I was just trying to pull your leg...wish you a smooth transition...

    Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Tue, Sep 4, 2007 @ 08:50 IST #

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