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Papa Hari Social Media to replace all other media in the World

Filed under: Humour and Nonsense by Hari
Posted on Tue, Apr 2, 2019 at 21:51 IST (last updated: Tue, Apr 2, 2019 @ 22:14 IST)

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Papa Hari News Service

Papa HariAlarmed at the recent trend in social media of increasing censorship and content restriction, the Papa Hari World Government has enacted the "Papa Hari Social Media Act" which will govern and regulate all social media in the world in a fair and unbiased manner and one that is subject to complete transparency. But instead of mere regulation, which is ineffective and inefficient the President has announced that a new social media service, called "The Papa Hari Social Media" will replace all other social media sites which will be banned with immediate effect. In fact, the Papa Hari World Government has made it mandatory for every World Citizen to register on the new network and post selfies in all different angles (front and side views mandatory) within 24 hours of registration. To increase the fun factor, Papa Hari World Government has made the network completely free of cost, except the initial non-refundable administrative charges (with Tax). The fee can be paid through challan that can be deposited via any Papa Hari approved Bank. Further, the user has to submit an identity proof and address proof to verify the account which will unlock features such as uploading media and sharing posts. Such verification will ensure that each individual is morally and legally responsible for the content they create and share.

In a press conference announcing the new network, a Papa Hari World Government official expressed hope that the new social network would lead to a "vibrant and healthy" democratic discourse. "We are hoping that citizens will share their views freely and without fear," he said, "Of course, the content would be subject to the guidelines released by the World Government." He said that the guidelines would be published online and also available as a 859 page manual in stores and the same would ensure fairness and objectivity in content regulation. Each and every post would have to adhere to the guidelines "in letter and spirit".

"Today social media sites are struggling to regulate their content and censor content in a haphazard and completely opaque manner," he said, "But the Papa Hari World Government has solved that problem. The Papa Hari Social Media will ensure that people are subject to only the Government guidelines and not some random and completely opaque terms of service of a private entity. In fact, freeing up social media from the hands of corporate giants would ensure that people's data is not used for marketing and other purposes."

Further, on the aspect of enforcement of regulations, he added that the Government controlled social media would be in a position to actually impose real-world penalties like imprisonment and death. When users repeatedly violate the guidelines, the punishment would include not only a ban from the social network but also imprisonment of a minimum of 5 years imprisonment with hard labour and death in the rarest of rare cases. He said that democratically minded people have nothing to fear, since only those who violate the guidelines would be subject to punishment. "You can boldly criticize the Papa Hari World Government, but you need to keep within the guidelines" he explained further, but when one reporter pointed out that one of the regulations mandated that any criticism of the Papa Hari World Government would be subject to an objective review from a designated Government Officer who would then decide whether the content was acceptable or in violation of the guidelines, and that could hardly be termed as a fair procedure, the official politely disagreed and insisted that his suggestion could be interpreted as propaganda for the opposition. Further, "propaganda for the opposition" is a banned topic, he added, and gently advised that raising such topics could lead to penal action from the Government. Later on, in a show of solidarity with the press media, the reporter was cordially invited to attend a special programme at the Papa Hari Institute for Media Persons for a brainstorming session and also getting his doubts resolved. The reporter was accompanied out of the conference venue by a few armed police officers for his protection.

Explaining the regulations further, the official said that a few important guidelines included acknowledging all new Official Government postings by liking and sharing; viewing at least one Government approved educational video per week and expressing interest in further such videos; fairly criticizing people who spread false and negative propaganda against the Papa Hari World Government; by positive and constructive criticism of Papa Hari World Government which would avoid hurting the sentiments of any group or persons; and also actively blocking people who refuse to follow the above guidelines. 

At the end of the press conference, the official formally invited questions from the audience, but nobody raised any queries, indicating the quality of his communication, effectiveness and clarity in conveying the objectives of the World Government. Further several reporters expressed praise and hope that the Papa Hari Social Media would prove to be a worthy successor to the likes of FaceBook, Instagram and such other funky single-word entities.

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