Hari's Corner

Talk shows. The nadir of television programming. Here's just a sample:

Host: So, Mr. X, you were saying that such-and-such is bad for health and the environment.
Mr. X: Yes, as I was saying, what really is the problem is...
Host: Excuse me, Mr. X. But Mr. Y wants to make a point. Mr. Y, what were you saying?
Mr. Y: I was saying that Mr. X bases his opinions not on facts but on wrong perceptions and...
Host: Just a moment, Mr. Y. A member of the audience wants to have a word. But surely Mr. Y, what you're basically saying is that they're just misguided opinions and not based on facts. Why do you think that those are perceptions? After all, you cannot alter facts. Perceptions vary, but not facts. Excuse me... Yes, sir. What's your question?
Audience member: I was just going to ask Mr. Y about...
Mr. X: (interrupts) Allow me to finish, please... as I was saying, the problem is...
Host: Just a moment, Mr. X. You'll have your say in a moment. This gentleman here hasn't asked the question. Sir, can you please repeat the question.
Audience member: (under his breath) didn't even ask it, you idiot. (smiling) Yes, Mr. Y, why do you think it's not facts but perception?
Host: (without waiting for Mr. Y) That's a really intelligent question, sir. Mr. Y. There you have it. The ultimate question. Why do you think it's a perception? It could be a fact, could it not? We've heard a lot of strong, valid arguments from Mr. X on this subject...
Mr. Y: (gritting his teeth) Because, I think...
Host: Excuse me, Mr. Y. We'll have to continue this later. It's now time for a commercial break. Stay tuned folks. When we come back, Mr. Y will explain his stance on this issue.

To...dooingggg...

Host

Somebody who cannot let go of the microphone. The size of the host's ego would make Adolf Hitler at his prime seem like a meek schoolboy. They usually come in all sizes and shapes, but they have a common agenda - to use every inch of on-air time to massage their egos. Their main role is to interrupt other people when they're speaking and score cheap points. They *must* always have the last word on every issue (and usually do, because they hold the mike).

Experts panelists

Think they're God's gifts to this world. Cannot shut their traps even when enough hints are given. When two experts of opposing ideologies meet, they usually have a shouting match making pro-wrestling promos seem mild and civilized. They usually love the sound of the own voices and can go on speaking into eternity if given the chance.

The public

The dumb, long-suffering, silent creatures. When one representative is given a chance to speak or ask a question, he/she is usually so petrified by the previous assault on the eardrums and intellect by the host and the panelists that he/she splutters out utter nonsense. The questions asked by public members are so stupid that even the host cannot but smile at them. But even then they usually aren't allowed to make too much of themselves because the host has to pull away the microphone at the crucial moment.

The days of the good old quality Quiz programmes are gone...