Hari's Corner
Humour, comics, tech, law, software, reviews, essays, articles and HOWTOs intermingled with random philosophy now and thenPapa Hari World Government bans hyperlinks
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Humour and Nonsense by
Hari
Posted on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 at 10:17 IST (last updated: Wed, Jul 16, 2008 @ 20:09 IST)
In a revolutionary development that will change the face of the Internet forever, the newly appointed Papa Hari World Government has issued a complete and total ban on internet hyperlinks in their current form. Claiming that the move will result in better Internet browsing habits and help webmasters earn more money with the newly launched innovatively named Papa Hari Internet Advertising Service (PHIAS), a Papa Hari Government spokesman assured internet users that their online rights would not be taken away as a result of this move.
"At present, we noticed that the biggest impediment to poor webmasters making lots of money on the Internet is because of the huge number of non-advertising hyperlinks plastered all over the internet competing with the advertising links. In a sense, by banning hyperlinks in their current form, we're actually helping webmasters make money by ensuring a very high Click-Through Rate!" He continued, "So far online advertising, being optional, has suffered from many disadvantages. It is our innovative idea to make internet advertising compulsory for every single website and that's what we're doing right now."
When asked about how every any internet document will link to another in the future, the spokesman declared a new HTML "tag" that would automatically earn money for the webmaster through the Papa Hari Internet Advertising Service. This new tag, innovatively named <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK> will automatically redirect all hyperlinks to the Papa Hari Internet Advertising website and then on to the intended target URL.
"It's really simple to convert existing non-advertising hyperlinks to the Papa Hari advertising hyperlinks," the spokesman added, "Just wrap all your tags with the all new, shiny <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK> tag and you're set to go. As a result of this move, every link will earn money for the webmaster! And of course, the Papa Hari Internet Advertising Service will take a service commission on these links."
When asked how a particular popular search engine would react, the Papa Hari Spokesman said that even Search Engines might be banned under the new Papa Hari World Government so the question of competition would become moot.
"By banning search engines we shall leave users with no choice but to click on the high-quality Papa Hari Internet Advertising links to discover new websites. Better still, by launching the Papa Hari Internet Search Engine (PHISE) we will introduce the all new <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK> tag on every search result, so we will continue earning even more money that way without having to share our profits with independent webmasters. And if webmasters refuse to implement the new tag on their websites, we reserve our right to arrest and hold them in custody indefinitely. We're working on a new Law towards this end!"
Several internet experts feared that this move would result in a complete monopoly for the Papa Hari World Government on the internet. "We fear that such a move would be totally against human rights!"
Several internet users were shocked at this new edict by the Papa Hari World Government. A few web developers also claimed that the new tag <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK> would not be XHTML 1.0 compliant and would break compatibility with existing browsers. "But with the power at the command of the Papa Hari World Government, it would be a matter of days before it becomes an official W3C standard and adopted by all major web browsers," said a bitter blogger who wished to remain anonymous. "But even worse, just imagine how much more typing would be involved to have to wrap this tag around every single link! It's a horrible thought!"
The Papa Hari World Government has denied that it was trying to clamp down on internet users with such a move and said that it was meant to benefit all users. "The new tag has several advantages over the old <A HREF=...> tag," said the Papa Hari government spokesman, "The biggest advantage is that these tags are Papa Hari Government approved and certified." He also dismissed suggestions that the Papa Hari World Government was going to censor the Internet. "We believe in Freedom of Speech and Expression!" he added, "But we also believe in the right of every webmaster to earn a living through internet advertising and that's why we have introduced our revolutionary Papa Hari Internet Advertising Service as the new standard for internet linking!"
In the meantime several unconfirmed rumours were doing the rounds, the most interesting of them being that the next move of the Papa Hari World Government would be to ban Domain Names completely so that people would be forced to remember IP addresses. While the Papa Hari World Government has not responded to this rumour, it is believed that such a move has been contemplated by the higher officials in order to further increase the efficiency of the <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK> tag. An internet expert commented: "very soon, I expect web browsers to stop including a navigation bar and a bookmarking feature so that the only way to browse the web would be to click <PAPAHARIINTERNETADVERTISINGLINK>s."
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8 comment(s)
Comment by MrCorey (visitor) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 15:32 IST #
Comment by hari (blog owner) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 18:31 IST #
Comment by (visitor) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 20:17 IST #
I added those tags to my site and now it won't validate, what gives?
Comment by Troy (visitor) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 20:56 IST #
Troy, if it won't validate it's your browser's fault.
Comment by hari (blog owner) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 22:12 IST #
Comment by (visitor) on Tue, Mar 11, 2008 @ 22:59 IST #
Comment by Shrinidhi Hande (visitor) on Wed, Mar 12, 2008 @ 09:32 IST #
Comment by hari (blog owner) on Wed, Mar 12, 2008 @ 09:53 IST #