Hari's Corner

Papa Hari News Service

The Papa Hari Institute for Education of Overage, Unemployed, Useless Bums Wasting Time Doing Nothing (PHIEOUUBWTDN) has announced the creation of a new school of politics for young people over 60 years of age who wish to enter politics. In a press conference, the Dean of the Papa Hari School announced the syllabus for those who wish to evaluate the proposed course. The course has been split into 2 years with 4 semesters and 5 subjects in each semester.

Semester 1

1. Basic Hypocrisy for Beginners - 20 hours
2. Public Funds Mismanagement - 20 hours
3. The Gasbag Theory: Dynamics of Hot Air - 15 hours
4. Empty Promises Management - 10 hours
5. Vote Banking - 10 hours

Semester 2

1. Lying Cheating and Stealing - Part 1 - 20 hours
2. Bribery and Corruption - Tips and Tricks - 20 hours
3. Advanced Hypocrisy - 15 hours
4. Horse Trading - 10 hours
5. Disruption of Public Life - 10 hours

Semester 3

1. Advanced Course in Rhetoric and Histrionics - 20 hours
2. Lying Cheating and Stealing - Part 2 - 20 hours
3. Political Backstabbing - Theory and Practice - 15 hours
4. Foriegn Pleasure Holidays - Attending conferences - 10 hours
5. Systematic Booth Capturing and Poll Rigging - 10 hours

Semester 4

1. Dynasty Politics - Promoting your Lineage - 20 hours
2. Responsibility Avoidance - 20 hours
3. The Art of Doublespeak - 15 hours

Electives (4th semester - any 2):

1. Rowdyism and Goondaism - 10 hours
2. Tactical Intimidation Theory - 10 hours
3. Minority Appeasement - 10 hours
4. Family Improvement using Taxpayers' Wealth - 10 hours
5. The Disappearing Act for Desperate Situations - 10 hours

The Papa Hari School invites all suitable candidates for the posts of professor, assistant professor and lecturer for the above subjects. Education qualifications needed: none. School drop-outs preferred. Experience: at least 10 years in politics. Age: preferably 60 years or more. The older the better.

Expressing confidence that all posts would be filled up in double quick time, the Papa Hari Spokeperson stated that those wishing to join the course would have to pay the entire course fee in advance. When asked for the reason behind this condition, he replied cryptically that the Institute wished to avoid the 'risks' associated with teaching sensitive subjects of the nature described above to impressionable minds.

Speaking about the reason for creating such a school, Papa Hari said, "In today's world, we see a lot of promising politicians who are experts in some areas of specialization but sadly lacking in others needed for success at the top level. We intend to turn out complete products who will be well versed in politics and serve their nations even better. Right now the polish is lacking. This school will give our students the edge in a wild, wild world."

I just feel that the whole concept of PC is flawed because that it is extremely selective in application and only to certain issues or certain groups of people who are, for the lack of a better term, more powerfully offended by the usage of certain terms than others.

Take the example of the recent race row in India's Cricket tour to Australia. Harbhajan Singh was accused of calling Andrew Symonds a "monkey", which is supposedly a racist taunt (I wasn't even aware of this before the issue arose). Now how do you decide whether "monkey" is more offensive than say "bastard" which is a deadly insult in India where we hold family traditions sacred? Or how do we, as Indians, explain that "monkey" is a term of endearment used commonly to describe a naughty child and with no offensive intent? Yet, the other side hardly bothers to understand the cultural differences and prefers to wallow in indignant self-righteousness.

Another example of meaningless political correctness is using the term actor used in both masculine and feminine contexts. That's just a ridiculous practice adopted by the media. The funny thing about it is that even the same newspaper doesn't adopt this usage consistency and columnists frequently revert to the feminine form "actress."

Even though it's simply not in my nature to use crass or vulgar language, I feel that if every group of politically sensitive people start lobbying successfully to ban specific words or phrases, very soon dictionaries will shrink to half their size. And of course, Political Correctness will remain an exclusive weapon of the group with the largest voting power because they can and will impose their version on the others.

Let me just say I'll accept Political Correctness the day when you accept my list of offensive words/phrases/language usage in the same way that you want me to accept yours...

Papa Hari News Service

The Papa Hari Foundation Dedicated to Making Money Offline as Opposed to Online (PHFDMMOOO) held a seminar today on "Making Money Offline." Drawing a huge response from the young generation of internet-savvy kids, the seminar was a big success. Each of the different aspects and methods of making money offline were discussed by leading experts in the field.

"It was really cool, the way they taught us how to make money, like getting a job or starting a business," spoke a teenager wearing a T-Shirt with the words 'World of Warcraft Rocks!', "I never knew we could earn money in such ways, dude!" His friend agreed enthusiastically. "I always though most people made their money by selling advertising on websites or placing Google AdSense on their blogs, man! Wow... there's a real world out there. Thanks to this seminar I know that I can step out of my bedroom and still earn a lot."

Many experts who attended the seminar also agreed that one of the safest ways to make money offline was to get a regular, boring nine-to-five job. "Starting a business has its own risks, but staying in a job is the best way to make money regularly."

Outlining the steps needed to get a job, the Papa Hari Foundation Speaker said that you needed to have the right skills and qualifications and then send your credentials to different companies who will then interview and hire you if you are a suitable candidate. Otherwise, he said, you could take a loan and start a small business. An authoritative expert on making money offline said "If you really want to get rich quick, you need to resort to unethical means like stealing, counterfeiting, defrauding the public, evading tax, robbing a bank, kidnapping for ransom or becoming a celebrity. I'm not recommending those techniques, because they do carry the risk of attracting penalty from the law-enforcement agencies, but they do make you rich fairly quickly." Many youngsters in the audience were extremely interested in counterfeiting and forgery, since it was literally about 'making money' but were very disappointed when they learned that it was not legal.

"Who are the Government to tell us what is legal and what is illegal?!" fumed an angry young lady, "They're acting just like Google these days: interfering, always breathing down our necks and telling us how to live our lives... and what the hell is this thing about Income Tax? That's a ridiculous concept."

Other techniques of making money offline discussed during the seminar were dabbling in the stock market, road-side begging, gambling and betting. "Each of these methods have their own advantages and disadvantages, risks and opportunities. It is up to the individual to select the method and then implement it," said the Papa Hari Foundation Speaker later at the press conference, "We certainly do not recommend resorting to illegal methods of making money, though, since those would attract severe punishment from the Law. But within the acceptable methods of making money offline, there are infinite possibilities." But what would the experts ultimately recommend to most people looking for a safe way to make money? "Get a job."

Most of the young people who attended the seminar seemed to be dissatisfied. Quipped one, while leaving, "It seems that hard work, intelligence, luck, determination and dedication are essential aspects of making money without too much risk. It's highly disappointing." Before a reporter could ask him another question, he quickly excused himself by saying that he had to get back home to his website editing as soon as possible in order to optimize his AdSense placement and keywords.

I have to admit that my first attempt at drawing Charlie Chaplin was a failure of sorts, so I took up the challenge again. Here are the results. I think this time the result is better.

Here's my attempt at drawing Charlie Chaplin from a photo found on the internet.

I think something went wrong with the eyes, but I'm not able to find out where it went wrong.

Update: check out the newer version.

I've added a poll system to the sidebar of this blog on an experimental basis, so I'll probably be running a few over a period of time. I expect to use this system just to get a bit of reader feedback which is not normally possible using the commenting system.

Please take a moment to vote on the first poll which is about what content you like most on my blog. I am always interested in knowing what topics keep you reading Hari's Corner.

Also please post your ideas for future polls.

Update Thursday 31 Jan 2008

Results of the first poll:

• Humour: 42% (5)
• Reviews/opinions: 33% (4)
• Cartoons: 8% (1)
• Technology/HowTos: 8% (1)
• Other stuff: 8% (1)